Where do I begin?
I guess in the middle, where I left you last.
The second week of my Rwandan journey was filled with physicals. Lots of physicals. To be exact, approximately 150 physicals. The most interesting thing about the whole process was how much I learned about each child by just testing their vision and hearing. Technology came to our rescue as we used an ipad app to test the children's vision and an ipod app to test their sound. Needless to say, a HUGE thank you note needs to be written to apple for the convenience they provided us during the medical physicals.
By the end of the week the three of us that (plus three of the translators) did all the physicals were exhausted. Who knew that sitting for hours in an un-air conditioned room examining dozens of children could be so hard?
The week was a blur for me as I prepared myself for the second camp at Sinapisi Orphanage. The difference between these children from the last is that these were true orphans. They lived on the premises that we would be having our camp and only had each other to turn to for help and support.
Sunday afternoon most of the volunteers went to the orphanage to meet the kids and just kind of hang out with them. It was amazing. Although I had already met them all, I enjoyed the approximate 2 hours with them regardless.
There's something really special that happens when you strip away the unnecessary aspects of a human. One aspect being language. As a dancer I've always related to movement, be it pedestrian or technical, more so than spoken word. This being said, I've become absolutely fascinated with communication through gesture. I don't mean huge hand signals, but how one will compensate for the short-comings of language through a smile or a hug (yambi in Kenyrwandan)
It's impossible to think that I just bonded with about 20 of the children in just 2 hours, but it happened. I left the orphanage at dusk on Sunday evening knowing that the week to come would only get better.
The week was amazing. It's so difficult to try to express it in words, but I will do my best to do so. The easiest way will be through a personal story that only I and one little girl named Anna Marie, share with each other.
The first day of physicals I met her. She had already been through her examinations and was just hanging around with the other girls her age. Dan and I started playing with them and that's when I saw the glimmer in her eye. I left the orphanage that night already shocked that I had a "favorite" and very prepared to change my mind the next day when I returned to do more physicals and see more kids.
As I talked to Stephanie (our doctor) about her, she told me that she asked Anna how old she was and she didn't know. She then proceeded to ask her when her birthday was and she didn't know that either.
My guess is that she is 8 or 9.
The next morning I met Sofia. Sofia is 3 and a bundle of a mess, but having her cling to me made me so happy. During the physicals Anna found me again in the classroom and waved and smiled. I returned the actions.
Sunday when all the volunteers went to the orphanage I got to hang out with Anna and the girls her age a bit longer. I discovered that tickling was a wonderful game that all ages could enjoy! Not only did I get more bonding time with Sofia, but snuck some time in with Anna.
I now had two "favorites," Anna and Sofia.
Monday morning was the first day of camp and we get our groups of girls assigned to us. The way it works is that the girls line up in age order (youngest to oldest) and we count off. I immediately noticed that Sofia was the first in line so I asked to be group number 1 to insure that I got her. As the count off began I got a group of about 9 girls including not only Sofia, but Anna as well.
Camp day #1 was amazing as expected and I left loving my two "favorites" even more.
Tuesday was the HIV/AIDS discussion day. After all the fun activities were through we all sat down with the girls and talked to them about their safety and how to make responsible choices. I sat my chair down behind all the girls and I noticed that Anna moved her chair to sit right beside me. As the talk began Anna kept edging closer and closer to me until I just offered her to sit in my lap.
As we sat through the discussion I had my arm wrapped around her back resting near her hip. Very quickly she took my hand and wrapped it tighter around her so that I was holding her entire stomach. Then she very delicately took my other hand and enter- locked her fingers in mine.
As I sat with this little girl a tear came to my eye as I realized that in 3 more short days I would have to leave her. I gave her a squeeze and held her for as long as I could.
Camp day #2 was successful.
Camp day #3 was wonderful. We had sewing projects that day. I had to go out of the orphanage to help run some errands that day and when I returned 2 hours later Anna still had not cut all of her fabric to be sewn. From past experiences I'd noticed that Anna was pretty shy and the other girls would "run her over" for lack of a better expression. I quietly sat with her as lunch was being served to the others and helped her with the cutting of the rest of her fabric. When she finished, a huge smiled spread across her face as she held her cut fabric tightly in her small hands.
Later in the day I got to learn some traditional Rwandan dance steps and as the day came to a close Anna ran up to me and said, "See you tomorrow!" I was so impressed that she'd spoken to me in English and it just proved that with patience all can learn.
Camp day #4 was kite day. We spent the morning teaching the girls about wind and then they all got to make and decorate their own kite! I can't wait to load the pictures because there isn't a better explanation. The laughter and smiles from the girls as they watched their own kite fly into the sky is unforgettable. I sat for 20 minutes and just took pictures.
As I was looking through them later in the evening I found a perfect picture of Anna. She's flopped on the ground and is smiling up at me, kite string in hand.
I was already dreading the goodbyes on Friday, but did my best to prepare.
On Friday all went well. We made dolls with the girls in the morning and then it was time for graduation! At the beginning of graduation I sat in a vacant seat about half way back as the older kids had prepared some songs and dances for us. As I sat there I spotted Anna about 3 rows in front of me. I saw that she had her head down in her arms, but she eventually looked up to watch the performances.
During a break I caught her looking at me and called her name. Our eyes met and then she turned around and hid her face in her hands. Then I saw the first heave of tears. Baffled I ran up to her row and did my best to communicate with her. Other girls around her tried talking to her and moving her hands from her face and she fought them off by tucking her head deeper in her knees. As she calmed down I gestured for her to come back with me and she grabbed my hand and followed.
Upon sitting down and placing her on my lap, Pam, one of our translators, said, "Chelsea, she really loves you." It was in that moment that I truly knew that I hadn't just picked a "favorite," but we had been drawn to each other. I hadn't fabricated some child to love me, but she actually did.
As I clung to Anna on my lap I took several deep breaths to fight off my own tears.
As graduation came to an end I had made a decision. I grabbed Pam to help me translate and I took Anna into the back hallway. I've never been one to pick favorites or not treat all in a equal manner, but there was something so raw and valid in the connection we shared that I felt what I was about to do was so necessary.
I took Anna's hand in mine and knelt down. Pam stood beside us. I first told Anna that I didn't want her to cry because I was leaving, but to smile because I was going to do everything I could to come back the next year. Pause, deep breath. I wanted her to be safe in the next year, to study hard, practice her English, and take care of her health because I wanted to return to see her grown, healthy, and happy. Pause, deep breath. I took the rag doll I had made earlier that day and placed it in her hands. I told her that I wanted her to have my doll that I had made and it was only for her. I told her that when she was feeling lonely or sad that she could hug the doll and know that I was thinking about her and loving her from all the way back in the United States. Pause, deep breath. Lastly I told her that tears were ok because they showed that you loved someone very much and that was a wonderful thing. Pause, deep breath. After all the translation had happened I gave her a hug and in the embrace I felt yet another heave soon followed by tears. Pause, deep breath, tears.
On my knees I was hugging this amazing little girl in a dark hallway, who was already so incredibly braver than I, wondering what I would ever do with myself for a year without seeing her smile or hearing her laughter. Soon another volunteer found us in our pathetic state and offered a group hug with her, Pam, Anna, and I. I grabbed a tissue from my pocket and wiped my tears and then wiped her. Pause, deep breath. I stood up and walked her back to the room where all the other children were and she walked back into the chaos.
For the rest of the day I continually found her in the mess of kids looking at me. It was like every time I could feel her looking at me and I knew the exact place in the room to find her.
As we packed up our bags and loaded the cars Anna just stood near me. Due to some complications a few of us stayed at the orphanage longer than expected, but just sat with the kids. Around 5:30 pm Anna wondered down into her house without another official goodbye, but I figured we both understood that it would be too difficult to do again. I noted that the doll was securely in her arms as she walked down the hill.
Rwanda has been life changing. I expected it to be. I didn't know what experiences I would have during my 3 weeks here, but I could have never guessed that such a strong bond could have been formed over the course of just 8 short days.
There are so many more stories that are phenomenal, but that one encompasses my whole trip. I've not just gone to do some charity work in a country that needs help. I've made a promise to 150 children that I will come back and see them again. I have vowed that I will do everything in my power to return so that I may instill some glimmer of hope with my dedication and unfailing love.
What scares me the most is how uncertain and unstable my life is at this moment and I know that the promises I made to these children really can't be broken. I have to make plans a year in advance and I have absolutely no clue where I will be.
For now I won't let my fear stop me. I made a promise that I intend to keep.
I made a promise to Anna.
All I can do at the moment is pray that a year goes by quickly with little injury to these kids I have fallen so deeply in love with. I can only hope for the best and do everything I can so that I may find myself stepping off of a plane only to return to the "Land of One Thousand Hills."
